People who have been impacted by family substance use share their stories

Ben's story

“My mum is an alcoholic and has been for a long time. As I grew older it seemed to get worse. I had to start looking after her and my sister when she was drunk instead of her looking after us.

It was a lot to handle because I was always worrying. As time went on, I started living with my nanny. Now I’m a lot happier and don’t worry as much. Me and my sister are in a safe home now.”

What would you like others to know?

“I would like people to know that they shouldn’t be set back due to their parent’s or relative’s problems. And that they shouldn’t be embarrassed by it – even though I am sometimes – because it is an illness.”

What do you see being different about your life in the future?

“In the future I would like my mum to have stopped drinking, and I would like to see her more.”

What have you learned from your experiences?

“I am proud of myself for taking care of my mum and sister when my mum couldn’t.”

What advice could you give to others in a similar situation?

“I would tell them that it will all be okay in the end. They shouldn’t be ashamed of their parent’s or relative’s problems.”

How has support helped you?

“My sessions helped me by getting things off my chest and sharing my feelings, so I wasn’t holding them in.”

Emily's story

“My parents got a divorce and Mum’s drinking escalated. The first incident I remember was when I found her unresponsive on the stairs. In the years that followed it got worse and whenever I said anything my family told me I was being controlling. 

Mum would tell me that I was lucky, she put a roof over our heads, how could she be abusive and an alcoholic if she was going to work and taking us to the doctors. 

I was belittled, locked out the house late at night, laughed at when I cried, and then the next day I would be expected to act as if all was fine. I went to school for help, but they saw a functioning middle-class woman. 

I stopped trusting those who were supposed to help me after that. 

I was in and out of mental health services throughout my adolescence. Social services got involved but closed the case quickly and we were back in the same position. My mental health worker also disappeared without warning. 

Thankfully, my Change Grow Live worker had started regularly meeting with me by then, and the support they have provided has been invaluable.

Just having someone who believes you and listens to you is vital.

I’ve learned that it’s never your fault, no matter what the other person is telling you or how you’re made to feel. 

After being failed by so many adults, I’m beginning to trust those people who are supposed to be helping me again. Lockdown would have been a lot harder without my Change Grow Live worker.

Now I’ve got an offer from the university of my choice. I get to leave and go to university, and I get to choose who I spend my days with. That was something I had been aiming towards for a long time, and it still seems a little surreal.”